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When children cry, what do we interpret it to mean?

Crying often sounds like a demand:
“I’m upset! And I want you to do something about it!”

Or blame:
“I’m upset–and it’s your fault!”

The summer after I graduated from college I volunteered for the local Department of Social Services. A boy was brought in who had been severely neglected. He was three years old but was kept in a crib. The most disturbing thing was that he always had a blank look on his face. He did not respond to people smiling, making faces, or talking with him. He also did not cry.

This helped me realize what a healthy sign of communication crying can be.

Earlier this week, from the little park outside my window I could hear a child crying to his mother.

In my head, I translated his sobs to mean:
“I care! I care! I care!”
(It made the sound much less annoying–I don’t think it’s a coincidence that many ambulance sirens sound like babies crying, a noise that is hard to ignore. )

Would people be less likely to tell children “Stop crying!” if this translation were more widely recognized? If “Stop crying” were interpreted as “Stop caring”?

To become a healthy kid you need to learn to question and go against the predominant culture in U.S. society today.

To stay at a healthy weight you need to avoid most of the food offerings surrounding you, and seek out alternative healthy choices.

To become a motivated learner you need to be supported in pursuing your ideas and interests–and find a school or other learning environment that isn’t simply focused on teaching to standardized tests. (I am thinking of this after reading the recent Newsweek article “The New First Grade.”)

I picture Pinocchio heading out to school and being approached by the Fox and the Cat, and he doesn’t know to question what they’re telling him.

There’s a lot of talk about the influence of culture on learning and education, but I haven’t read or heard so much about the importance of counter culture to support positive youth development.

I heard today that one of my nephews, although an avid reader, did not pass the 3rd grade reading test. He has always had a unique view of the world. He failed the test because he thinks about the questions differently from the authors of the test.

I hope he and others continue to value his unique perspective.

I recently read this writing by the poet Rilke, which seems relevant:

Every historical period is filled with a burning desire for the great individuals who are different: for they have always brought with them the future. Yet when individuality surfaces in a child it is treated disdainfully or disparagingly or possibly–which is most painful for the child–with derision. They are treated as if they had nothing that was unique to them, and the deep riches out of which they live are devalued to offer them commonplaces instead.

from The Poet’s Guide to Life: The Wisdom of Rilke, p. 71

The book Psychotherapy for Children by Frederick Allen was recommended to me by educator and author Frances Hawkins.

She told me that throughout her teaching career Frederick Allen’s book had been her companion, helping her through difficulties with troubled children.

I was able to locate a used copy of the book. The first sentence states:

Children with behavior and psychological problems can be helped to help themselves.

Though that was written more than 60 years ago, I think it is still an innovative idea.

(From a writing perspective, I like that as an example of giving the overview of an entire book in the first sentence.)